Living in the moment seems like a very serene way of living. A very buddhist perspective free from the worries of the past and the future. One path to happiness.

But I find it incredibly difficult to live in the moment. I guess my reasons are commonplace and typical which makes me a very average being. I find it difficult because I’m worried. It’s hard because I think about the future. It’s impossible because I think of what I should be doing rather than what I am doing.

But I also think there’s more to it. It’s possible that this is just my way of finding an excuse but I think that we might not have the luxury of living in the moment. We're the privileged ones on top of this civilized world with no or very little conscience of the damage we're inflicting on all living things. After having played the role of evil in this story for so long, can we really afford to live this moment? Maybe it would be a good idea eventually but I think the focus in this time of near collapse would be better served by reading the past and imagining a future of redemption and regeneration. I can't be enjoying myself right now because this life and therefore this moment has been made possible by acts of destruction and disrespect for life. Living that moment would just go in support of this and it's a hard choice to make when you've reached a certain level recognition for what is.

I live in pain and absent mindedness because I think of the terrible destruction started by my ancestors that I'm perpetuating implicitly by living this life. I stare at the emptiness thinking of a life I could be living in accordance to my views. Oh sure, I can occasionally distract myself for temporary relief but, more generally, I think it would be too easy to live comfortably in this moment sponsored by terrible destruction.