New Light on that Blue [August 30 2012]
*What follows is my take on another prompt from 642 Things to Write About. It’s pretty personal, borderline personal diary. Yeah. Since this blog is my miscellaneous bucket and I’m the editor, I say it’s in. Let’s ship it. Then, see how it feels. Do not worry, I’m not planning on making regular posts about my feelings, probably.*
So here it is, my take on this prompt:
What a character holding a blue object is thinking about?
There I was, holding a blue pen. I had just lost my train of thought. I wasn’t exactly looking at it so much as this was an out of focus blue spot. Not any blue either. It was a blue recalling Québec’s national blue. I always felt pretty neutral with that particular hue. I always loved blue but I disliked this particular one, much to my chagrin.
Today though, this blue is reminiscent of what we’ve left behind. We always knew it wouldn’t be easy to relocate. The nice things about California are indeed nice but it’s not so much like we weren’t happy with Montréal. This story isn’t one of a quest for the promised land.
Some days, we read about cool things that are happening right here, only here. Those days, I feel very fortunate to be here. Other days, we read about some interesting change happening in Montréal and we feel like we’re missing out. This is a very typical case of nostalgia versus novelty.
All of that is relatively minor though, in the grand scheme of things.
Everything, except one.
I can do with a slower public transit system. I can deal with a more complex health care system. I can accept living in a less lively neighbourhood. I am however having a real hard time not having friends.
What friends I hear you thinking?
It’s true that I didn’t have many. I had to make sacrifices when it became obvious that, as a parent, I wouldn’t have the time to do all I was doing before. Friendship took second place to personal projects and family.
Except that this is oversimplifying. I still had friends. I was seeing some of them almost exclusively at the office but they were my friends.
I knew it wouldn’t be easy to make new friends. I was anticipating that the English speaking version of me would be struggling to find the words to express nuanced thoughts. It would be more difficult to be me.
I knew it would be a challenge.
Is it harder than I thought it would be? Maybe not. But having anticipated it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with, that’s for sure.
I also very much neglected the difficulty in coordinating talking with friends in Eastern time. We’re living in an always connected world after all, aren’t we? It could be easier if I didn’t care so much about my work but I do. It’s what I came here for and I do love it.
There’s no happy revelation here. No words of wisdom. I didn’t make a new friend just today that made everything all better.
This is one of those things that will incrementally get better over time. I suppose. I hope.
I’m not sure friends are forever but you could say that we forever needs friends.
Meanwhile, I see this blue pen today and it appears in this newly rediscovered grandiose hue.